Christmas Interlude

I thought about doing the Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” at #127, just so it would coincide with the day, but ultimately, I just couldn’t quite find room for it on the list. I do assume that most readers are busy with other things and might skip today’s entry, though, so #127 will be in your inbox tomorrow, instead, and then we’ll be back to the regular schedule.

In the meantime, it’s Christmas, so I made you a couple of playlists, depending on the type of day Christmas is for you this year. Feel free to listen to them as you do whatever it is you do on Christmas.

Happy Holidays [Apple Music]

“O Come All Ye Faithful,” Weezer

Everything Weezer does comes drenched in irony, except for some reason their Christmas record, where they just do very straight, lightly rocked-out versions of the songs you know, exactly the way you know them.

“Christmas in Hollis,” Run DMC

A contemporary Christmas classic, no notes.

“Groovy Xmas,” The Linda Lindas

The Linda Lindas got a little bit famous a couple of years ago because they were a very good rock band made up of very young kids; they opened for Bikini Kill, had a viral hit during the pandemic, played Kimmel, etc. Even today, they’re still very young; the singer is nineteen now, but the rest of the band range from 13 to 16. I love “Groovy Xmas” because Christmas is for kids, and these are happy kids singing about what they love about the holiday: family, The Grinch, pumpkin spice lattes, presents, etc. (It’s tinged with a bit of irony, but the sincerity cuts through that, too; it’s very sweet). Actual kids singing about Christmas is the best.

“Happy Xmas (War Is Over),” The Polyphonic Spree

This could probably go on the Sad Christmas list, too, but the Polyphonic Spree enlist a children’s choir, and that chorus is just too propulsive to feel sad to me, even despite the verse.

“I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)",” Old 97’s

I love the Old 97’s and have for a long time, so I was really happy for them when they ended up with a chart-climbing hit thirty-some years into their career with this song from the Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. Rhett Miller is a very clever songwriter, and he rises to the specific brief he was presumably given for this song, to sing about Christmas from the perspective of an alien who’s been told about the various holiday traditions, sans all other context. At the very least, it’s fun to chant “Rain! Rain! Rain! Rain! Rain! / Deer! Deer! Deer! Deer! Deer!” along with the band.

"The Christmas Song,” Jose James

Did you know that “The Christmas Song” was written in July, during one of the hottest summers New York had seen to that point? Now you do. I always thought it was the height of arrogance to call a song “The Christmas Song,” given that there are so many Christmas songs, but that context makes it make a little more sense—they were probably just trying to remember it while they were sweating. Anyway, I think that’s why this song focuses so much on how cold it is during Christmas, and casts that as a good thing.

“Ave Maria,” Chris Cornell

This is just Chris Cornell showing off his voice, and I’m here for it.

“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” Ingrid Michaelson

I don’t know much about Ingrid Michaelson, but her Christmas album is perfect, basically just the idealized version of every song she picks for it. Her “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” sounds a little bit contemporary, but it also would not offend anyone who adores Brenda Lee.

“Every Single Christmas,” Nicole Atkins

There aren’t a ton of new songs on this list, because that’s not generally what you want from a Christmas playlist, but this one is just very good. It’s also short, which is an underrated part of Christmas music—you really don’t need to hit three minutes to say what you’ve got to say about the holiday.

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” Jessica Hernandez & The Deltas

This is obviously a very silly song, but I can’t get over how Jessica Hernandez sings it with her whole heart. I hope she got her hippopotamus.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” DMX

This is maybe my favorite version of any Christmas song anyone ever recorded. The genesis for it was that DMX was brought on to a radio show, and they thought it would be funny to get him to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” since DMX’s persona is as one of the more menacing individuals you might encounter, and the juxtaposition of those things would be novel. But DMX surprised the woman who offered him a copy of the lyrics: “I know the lyrics!” he exclaims in the video of the performance, and then proceeds not just to start with “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer / had a very shiny nose,” which is where I’d have started if I’d been in his position, but to properly list all of the other reindeer, which he does, expertly, after thinking about it for like three seconds. Then he starts drumming on the table while he goes through the rest of the song, adding ad-libs like “come on!” and “forever!” as he sings about the reindeer who helped Santa guide his sleigh that foggy Christmas Eve. I don’t know exactly what Christmastime meant to DMX, but it was obviously something good and joyful and important, and I love hearing that in his voice when he sings it.

“Fairytale of New York,” The Pogues

This song is on both playlists. It’s both happy and sad at the same time, which is how Christmas feels to me most of the time, and why it was a contender for the main project of this newsletter.

“Angels We Have Heard on High,” Bad Religion

Bad Religion is a very strange choice for not just a Christmas album, but a Christmas album comprised of the songs you probably grew up hearing in church. They play them more or less as straight Bad Religion songs—that is, they play ‘em fast, but surprisingly reverentially, and they sound great that way.

“Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town,” Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

This is just a Christmas banger, whether it’s Bruce or the Jackson Five or the Philadelphia Eagles singing it. This year, I’ve been listening to Bruce and the band do it, taken from a live recording in 1975, mostly because the Boss’s banter at the beginning is cute. (“Clarence, you been practicing real hard, so Santa’s gonna bring you a new saxophone?”)

“Christmas Treat,” Julian Casablancas

Another new one, another pure Christmas banger. We aren’t adding new Christmas songs to the canon at nearly the pace our contemporary culture demands, and I think it’s time to bring “Christmas Treat” into the fold.

“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” Tyler the Creator

Tyler is a weird artist, but he plays “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” very straight, and his voice sounds perfect for narrating the story of the Grinch, accompanied by a choir of children. This is the canonical take on the song, in my opinion.

“All I Want For Christmas Is You,” Mariah Carey

Did you know that this is the most recent Christmas song that everyone knows and likes? Like I said, we’ve got a supply chain crisis here.

“Little Saint Nick,” The Beach Boys

Sometimes the originals are just the right ones.

“Two Front Teeth,” Armani White

As you may have surmised, I have a soft spot for rappers doing Christmas carols, and if you’re going to skip any tracks on this list, my hunch is it’ll be Armani White’s take on “Two Front Teeth,” which does get a bit mixed up in its messaging, since in addition to his front teeth, Armani also requests two Lambos with two front seats, and two gold Rolls Royces, which is really a lot of cars for one man. Still, when he raps “I got a three car garage where Saint Nick can go / I got on Pradas in case we get thicker snow,” I felt that. (This is an Apple Music exclusive, so it’s not on YouTube, alas.)

“Pretty Paper,” Lane Johnson (feat. Waxahatchee)

This is a Willie Nelson song, sung by the starting right tackle for the Philadelphia Eagles, with Katie Crutchfield from the indie rock band Waxahatchee on backing vocals, and it’s even better than that sounds.

“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” Ronnie James Dio and Tony Iommi

Okay, you might skip this one too, but this is the Christmas song that Dio’s voice was made to sing, and he really just nails it.

“Christmastime Is Here,” Khruangbin

Just a real nice take on an underappreciated Christmas tune.

Sad Christmas [Apple Music]

“‘Tis the Damn Season,” Taylor Swift

Just Taylor in her pandemic phase, having some Christmas feelings.

“Just Like Christmas,” Low

This isn’t actually a sad song, except it’s by Low, and all of their songs are at least a little bit sad. At the very least, if you’re in the mood for a bummer holiday vibe, this won’t kill it for you.

“If We Make It Through December,” Pistol Annies

Merle Haggard’s sad Christmas song about the tension between the expectations of holiday joy and the precarity of life under capitalism is a strong contender for the saddest Christmas song ever written, and it doesn’t get any less sad sung by Miranda Lambert, with harmonies by Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley.

“Christmastide,” Tori Amos

I’ll level with you, I have no idea what this one is about, but it’s got minor key piano and Tori Amos’s voice, and it’ll fit the tone of your day.

“Two Birthdays and One Bad Christmas,” Hayley Gene Penner

I don’t know much about Hayley Gene Penner except that she writes really lovely songs that fit her voice perfectly. This isn’t really a Christmas song, it’s a breakup song, but it has Christmas in the title, which is plenty these days. I assume Pentatonix will cover it as soon as they hear it.

“Fairytale of New York,” The Pogues

This song is on both playlists. It’s both happy and sad at the same time, which is how Christmas feels to me most of the time, and why it was a contender for the main project of this newsletter.

“7 O’Clock News / Silent Night,” Simon & Garfunkel

Juxtaposing the grim realities of a nightly news broadcast in the early ‘70s with Art Garfunkel’s lovely voice singing a very straightforward rendition of one of the sadder-sounding songs in the Christmas canon is maybe the most artful thing Paul Simon ever did (complimentary).

“Home For the Season,” Neil Halstead

Everything Neil Halstead sings sounds wistful and a little bit heartbroken, so when he really leans into it like he does here, it’s transcendent.

“White Winter Hymnal,” Jade Bird

This song is a Fleet Foxes cover, so it makes me think of my dad, which means it makes me feel a lot of things every time I hear it. Even without that context, though, it’s a sad, but triumphant, song about winter that would be so much sadder if the kick drum didn’t keep hope alive.

“We’re the Lucky Ones,” The Marias

Technically this is a happy song, if you listen to the words, but it sure doesn’t play that way.

“Santa Stay Home,” U.S. Girls

This is what it says on the box, more or less—a very straightforward plea to Santa Claus to just leave us alone for once.

“Day After Tomorrow,” Tom Waits

I spent a bit of time this year reading about Christmas traditions during the Civil War, which is honestly a pretty fascinating subject; Christmas, as we think of it now, was pretty new to Americans at that point. The Christmas tree had only begun popping up in American homes around 1850; Santa Claus, as the iconic jolly old elf in a hat with reindeer (rather than as, like, Krampus’s slightly more friendly companion), was an invention of Harper’s cartoonist Thomas Nast, whose earliest depictions showed him visiting troops on the front lines. “Day After Tomorrow” is Tom Waits singing in the voice of a soldier at the front of that war, or maybe a different one, and even though it doesn’t say so explicitly, you will never convince me that it does not take place on Christmas Eve.

“Christmas Song,” Phoebe Bridgers

“Sadness comes crashing / like a brick through your window / and it’s Christmas / so no one can fix it” is one of the more perfect lines anyone has sung in the past twenty years or so.

“Another Lonely Christmas,” Prince

Classic plaintive Prince power ballad, themed to Christmas. Still horny.

“Brick,” Ben Folds Five

I’m sorry but if Die Hard is a Christmas movie then “Brick” is a Christmas song. I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.

“In the Bleak Midwinter,” James Blake

This was a Christmas banger back in the 1870’s. Times have changed! No idea why the YouTube version has anime art.

“Two Queens in a King Sized Bed,” Girl In Red

This is another happy song in the minor key, so just tune out the lyrics a bit and let the vibes take you.

“Home Alone, Too,” The Staves

This is my favorite sad Christmas song right now. That’s not strictly because they take the pun in the title and turn it into something that cuts in that good way, but it’s not not because of that, either. Anyway, if you’re in a mood, “How I hate this time of year / it’s dark and it’s cold / and I feel like I’m getting older,” accompanied by a funeral trumpet, contrasted with the question “Are you watching Home Alone, too?” might be exactly what you’re looking for.

“A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like a Kiss),” Glasvegas

Here, it is a very sad Scottish boy singing about staring out at a graveyard on Christmas.

“Feelin’ Sorry,” My Morning Jacket

This is pretty straightforward—the first verse literally contains the line “Feelin’ sorry for myself / on Christmas Day,” which is a feeling I am familiar with, and you may be too.

“A Long December,” Jon Pardi

I wrote about this for work earlier this month, but there’s a real supply chain crisis on the Christmas song front, which has led enterprising performers to attempt to retrofit songs that are not at all Christmassy into something that fits on their Christmas albums. Jon Pardi, who I don’t know much about except that he seems like an earnest country goober who likes to cover rock songs, grabbed Counting Crows’ “A Long December” and took it for a holiday spin, so if you want to squint until a song about surviving a motorcycle crash feels like Christmas, you can try. Or you can just sing along with the “na nuh nah nah, na nuh nah nuh nah nuh yeah” part, which somehow captures the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters with no pearls better than anything.

“X-Mas Time (It Sure Doesn’t Feel Like It),” The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

A surprisingly somber take on how hard it is to get into the Christmas spirit sometimes. No ska horns here.

“Alone on Christmas Day,” Phoenix (feat. Bill Murray)

Weird that Bill Murray is on this song, but it’s from his 2015 Netflix Christmas special, so I guess it makes sense. I love that special, which is all about feeling sad on Christmas, and trying to make yourself feel a little bit merry anyway, and hearing Bill Murray sing backing vocals in the chorus somehow doesn’t kill what this one is trying to do.

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” Samara Joy

You may already know this story, but if not, here’s the deal with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”: Frank Sinatra ruined it. It comes from the movie Meet Me in Saint Louis (Judy Garland sang it), and its original lyrics—which didn’t make it into the film, because they’re just incredibly bleak—strike a very different tone than you expect. The literal first line was “Have yourself a merry little Christmas / it may be your last” and it just got bleaker from there; come next year, we may all be living in the past, because everything that is good and joyful in our lives will be gone… Stuff like that. Garland herself lobbied to have the song rewritten, since her character sings it to her little sister, and singing that opening lyric to a little kid is an objectively horrible thing to do; Garland worried that the audience would see her as a “monster.”

And so the lyrics were rewritten, this time to be a little more hopeful; “Have yourself a merry little Christmas / let your heart be light / next year, all our troubles will be out of sight,” which—in the context of the movie—is mostly bullshit, but the sort of bullshit it’s acceptable to say to a kid on Christmas. You can still hear the notes of the real sentiment behind the song, though, with its fixation on next year, and what the fates may allow. And there’s a kicker that you may or may not have heard before, but which Samara Joy recaptures here. “Someday soon, we all will be together / if the fates allow / until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow,” she sings, because this was a sad song.

And then Frank Sinatra cut a Christmas record, saw that line, and said “I’m not singing that sad shit” and replaced it with “hang a shining star from the highest bough,” which is cloying and lazy and meaningless and which ended up defining the song for generations to come, because Frank Sinatra had that power. And so now we are the ones who have to muddle through a worse version of this song.